I think I’m a legend in my own lunchbox, some sort of brave action hero who is scared of nothing and no-one. Someone like Electra.
However, much to my disgust, it seems that’s not entirely true… As it turns out, I’m a wimp!
I’ve spent a lot of time considering my reluctance to undertake an art class and have taken on board all the comments made on my previous post on this topic. I was walking around with this “I’m to cool for school” attitude when really my reluctance stems from fear. (Not very super hero of me…)
My fear was that I’d undertake an art class and I’d be told that I was crap and doing it all wrong. I think this is a flashback to the 15 year old me who was evicted from art class due to “lack of talent“.
Although I’m not particularly grown up, I am no longer 15. And as a pseudo-adult I can generally handle constructive criticism. I think my concern was that negative feedback would deter me and that I would walk away from something that gives me (and sometimes others) pleasure just because of a single opinion. Some people may find it motivating to be told they’re “not good enough” and go all out to prove that view wrong. I’m opposite, I just find it demotivating.
Now that I’ve put this in writing I realise the total absurdity of my thinking and am not entirely sure why I thought I should share this!
Anyway, I’ve jumped to a few (more sane) conclusions:
1. It is highly doubtful any teacher worth their salt would say “you’re crap and doing it all wrong”.
2. I’m new to this, I don’t have to be brilliant straight away (nor should I expect to be) and I will improve if I care enough to try.
3. Superhero bravery is not lack of fear, it is being scared but doing it anyway.
So, I’m biting the bullet and taking my inner action hero out of her lunchbox and booked myself into art school!
The course I’ve selected is a small group (no more than 8 people) who are of all different levels and work in a variety of mediums. Unlike a college, university or tafe there is no grading, semesters or terms. The teacher (an artist named Con – can you see the irony??!) works with the group but allows each individual to progress at his or her own pace. I simply pay in blocks of 4 x 2 hour lessons.
I’m starting at the beginning with drawing and have committed to four weeks with a view to extending as time, money and enthusiasm permit.
I’m nervous and excited – I start tomorrow!
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As a small aside. My deep cover assignment is going well, albeit rather slowly.